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I’m currently looking at the website of the 2014 Hillsong Conference. It’s surreal to think of the months past. Has it been that long? I remember streaming the live concerts last year. Listening to it drew adrenaline through, as music always does for me in the middle of worship. The Mac turned up the same homepage then, although with less detail, announcing Early Bird Tickets to the following year’s conference. Wouldn’t it be cool, said Crae at the other end of the line, to be there at the concert, too?

It’s been ten months since that Tuesday afternoon, mid-July 2013 or so, when we agreed we were serious. There was no better time to do this, we said. To take off to Sydney, just like that, yes. Why not? Why not be crazy? What was crazy if not this?

It was insane. That Saturday we registered online for the 2014 Sydney Hillsong Conference, in a bit of a panic as our distance equaled notable differences in registrant numbers, booking notifications, et cetera, et cetera. (Crae is in Manila, I am in Hong Kong.) We considered signing up for the Creative stream, or Help. We chose Leadership in the end, with the hope of hearing pastor Steven Furtick preach.

Until then I had never done anything so spontaneous. Since then, I have been preparing documents for a visa, stowing change for allowance, praying my Malaysia Airlines flight makes it safely to the South this June 28. To raise funds, Crae is illustrating, doing calligraphy, designing; I wrote and published an eBook.

There, we will spend five days at the Allphones Arena in Sydney Olympic Park. In between, we will take photos by the Harbour Bridge, get lost in the Opera House. We will take in the New South Wales capital in its drop temperatures with palms warmed by cup after cup of coffee. We will introduce ourselves and befriend people from the world over, and connect. Back at the stadium, we will sing our hearts out, and stand in awe, and be blessed. It will be amazing.

The conference falls on June 30 to July 4. I will then also spend my last as a 23-year-old in a place I’ve never been, and greet my 24th in a city I’ve yet to see. Above, at midnight, the Oceanic sky will light up and maybe I’ll even locate my star, a gift from last year. It will be a full and quiet celebration, a new kind of beautiful.

On the homepage of the 2014 Hillsong Conference, I am told we are uniting under no other name, and this excites me. But this also overwhelms me. The truth is, I am fearful over things that might not go as I hope. I am still anxious, ten months or so since, over the possibility of things not falling through.

It’s a heart thing, this is, forging ahead with trust. I could cower and things will work out, but I could also be genuinely brave, and things will work out. If they don’t, well, that still leaves me with whether or not I trusted. It’s a heart thing.

I’ve written once that it is in writing that I become. If I might become less fear and more faith, less anxiety and more confident hope, it will have to start somewhere, and writing is where I have always begun. So here it is, the tides of my heart crashing for calm on the page. Still, now, darling.

I don’t want to be fearful. I don’t want to doubt. I want to face this crazy the same way I did last year: with equal parts thrill and courage; a relentlessness for making life happen.

This June 27, my twin and I are flying to Sydney, Australia for the 2014 Hillsong Conference. It will be insane, this net that follows the leap of faith, this journey that follows a moment of crazy. It will be one for the books.


Support Crae and I in this joint trip to the 2014 Hillsong Conference through the following.
It will mean a lot to us!

1. Donate a minimum amount and receive a custom-designed graphic by Crae
2. Purchase my eBook, Out On Seventh Street Vol. I